Managing Thanksgiving Mental Health

Thanksgiving for the USA is tomorrow and for many that means good food and good fun with family. However, there are many who don’t have such a pleasant Thanksgiving experience due to returning to a toxic home and/or family during this holiday. I’m writing this article to remind my readers that if Thanksgiving—and the upcoming holiday season—bring on toxic relatives, environments, and unnecessary strain on your mental health, now is not the time to put your needs aside.

Maybe you struggle with the comments about your weight gain that Uncle Rhett doesn’t know is a result of your recovery from disordered eating. Perhaps the family makes homophobic/transphobic comments not knowing that you identify as part of the LGBTQ community. Further still, you may be healing from a traumatic childhood experience stemming a family member who will be present.

Everyone who struggles with the seemingly boundary-less call of the holiday season Thanksgiving kicks off has a reason they need to be watching after their mental health. I’m not here to talk about the reasons because there are too many. I am, however, here to talk about potential strategies and solutions to managing this holiday and your mental wellness.

If you’re choosing to go to the family Thanksgiving:

Despite your desire not to and concerns about the impending triggers awaiting you, the decision has been made that you’ll go for Thanksgiving. What can you do now to manage the chaos and ensure your mental health is taken care of?

1. Come prepared. Start tonight with some extra self-care to put you in comfortable mindset. While you’re being kind to yourself, consider what you can expect during the family get-together. Consider how you want to deal with the triggers you might encounter. Some may choose to confront an issue and set a boundary, while others may see the best course of action to be letting it roll off of them. Whichever you choose depends on you and your situations, but I think it’s important to mention that you cannot control others and you cannot control circumstances but you can control what you do.

2. Drive yourself. Don’t have cousin Richie pick you up on the way over. Choose to drive yourself so that when you’re ready to leave, you can. Otherwise, you’ll leave when Richie wants to leave, and that might be too long for you.

3. Set limits. Plan limitations around your presence at the get-together. If everyone shows up to the designated house at 9 a.m. and leaves at 11 p.m., you may need to have these parameters. You could set up how long you plan to stay if you’re good at sticking to your guns and don’t get guilted into staying easily. But if you do find yourself swayed, plan around your designated time frame. Start the day out with a 5K so you’re out for a couple hours in the morning from the race and following shower. End the day by going to a friend’s Thanksgiving dessert.

4. Bring a friend. When someone comes in from the outside, misbehaving family members may be less likely to act in full character around a person they don’t know well yet. Additionally, a friend is also a support and can make you feel less like you’re going into it all on your own. The friend may also be a good ally in helping you stick to leaving when you need to by simply needing to go somewhere else and you’re the driver.

If you’re opting out of the family Thanksgiving:

You’ve set your boundary and you’re sticking to it. But you may still want to celebrate the holiday. Try one or more of these options:

1. Have a Friendsgiving. Invite your chosen family to a thanksgiving get-together. If you can’t get everyone to go for dinner, try breakfast or dessert. You can also plan it on another day. A celebration with people you love and who love you is one worth having any time.

2. Go out. A lot of restaurants will have Thanksgiving specials and they’re open for people to enjoy the holiday favorites without the hassle of cooking…or visiting toxic family.

3. Volunteer. There are plenty of opportunities to volunteer whether it be at a community Thanksgiving dinner such as at a local VFW, community center, or church or at a shelter in need of extra support. Some communities have meal delivery programs that may need extra help and all those morning 5K’s need volunteers to keep it running smooth.

If you’re in the middle, don’t forget you can do both of these options. Mix and match to make it work for you. The important point is that you manage your mental health and stick to your boundaries because YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

Take care of yourself this Thanksgiving and all holiday season long.

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