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I’ve questioned whether or not to continue to write on the
subject of COVID-19 knowing that it can be anxiety-provoking for some and
overall exhausting for most. I felt it was important to address the feelings
we’re all experiencing on some degree. Your feelings are valid and you need to
allow them to be.
You’re Allowed to Be Nervous
First of all, everyone around the globe is facing this threat.
When you face a threat your body goes into the “fight or flight” response.
True, it may not be on your doorstep, it may not be your family member, it may
not be in your town, even, but it is a threat nonetheless. It’s one you can see
plastered across social media, emails, government websites, business doors, and
the list goes on. A reminder of the threat is near-constant at this point.
You’re allowed to feel unbalanced no matter if you’re
staying safely at home or fighting the illness on the front lines of the
emergency room. You are allowed to feel nervous or anxious. You are allowed to
sense danger even though it isn’t immediately targeting you. Your brain is on
high alert each time to read about, got shopping, disinfect a newly delivered
box and follow a new ordinance. Even if you’re relatively safe, that doesn’t
mean you feel like it.
What to Do About Nervousness
Once you’ve acknowledged and validated how you’re feeling, I’m
sure you don’t want to stay a ball of anxiety consistently until this is over.
I probably sound like a broken record, but this is where I bring mindfulness
in. You can read more in depth on it in my previous article on it but for this topic
I want to focus on the basic principal of mindfulness; being present in the
moment while suspending judgment.
Don’t judge yourself for being nervous and don’t judge it as
something that shouldn’t be happening because it’s totally normal given the
circumstances. It can just be what it is and then you redirect yourself. Clean
the house, play a video game, go for a walk (where permitted), read a book,
teach yourself a new skill, sing, dress up, play with a pet…basically all of those
self-care things I prattle on about.
You’re Allowed to Be Disappointed
Even though you haven’t contracted the virus and the people
you care about are well, that doesn’t mean you should just sit and count your
blessings quietly. Yes, it is wonderful if you and your loved ones are healthy
and financially stable. Yes, it is something to be thankful for. No, it does
not mean that you aren’t allowed to be disappointed or mourn your losses.
I’ve had two concerts indefinitely postponed, interviews put
on hold, the annual adult Easter Egg Hunt postponed or cancelled (not sure
yet), and I can’t even go yard sale hunting like I LOVE to do this time of
year. I’m disappointed and I was genuinely mourning these losses, still am to
some degree. If you had events cancelled, aren’t allowed to do the things you
typically enjoy doing, or were looking forward to something that is no longer
permitted due to a government order, you’re entitled to feelings about it.
What to Do About Disappointment
Just like with nervousness, acknowledge you feelings.
Acknowledge that you feel that loss and you are disappointed. If changing focus
to what you do have and can look forward to will help you, go for it. But if
that is going to make you feel guilty for being disappointed, don’t. You may
have much to be grateful for but you can be grateful and still be disappointed.
Those feelings can exist together.
You’re Allowed to Miss People
Yes, you’re keeping them and yourself safe by staying away
and that’s awesome. If you’re like me, though, you still miss your people
terribly. You can do all the telephone calls, video chats, and multiplayer
online games for every moment of the day, but there’s ultimately nothing like
being with those people in person. Feeling their presence, taking in their
scent, and basking in their aura.
Even if you’ve stayed in touch and gotten creative with
staying connected, you’re still allowed to miss your people. I miss seeing my
best friend almost every day at the gym. I miss my whole group of friends who come
together weekly for board games. I miss my aunt who works in a hospital and for
obvious reasons isn’t visiting friends and family.
Of course I keep up with all of my people as I’m sure you do
with yours. But we miss them. We are allowed to miss them.
We’re also allowed to miss people who aren’t our friends and
family. You can miss the people you see at the gym daily and weekly, your
co-workers, the check-out lady at your favorite non-essential store, the owners
of your go-to local restaurant who are social distancing to keep you and your
food orders safe…the list goes on. You’re allowed to miss them, too.
What to Do About Missing Your People
Missing people is tough. You may not just be missing them,
alone, but also missing what they represent like structure and normalcy. Again,
I can’t stress enough to validate these feelings to yourself as normal and
human. Don’t present judgments on yourself or the feelings. Keep up staying in
touch as best you can but also find other ways to develop your normal such as
keeping a routine.
For all of these feelings, know that acknowledgement and
validation are not the same as dwelling and letting feelings fester. I’m not
saying you have to snap out of it or move on, but you also don’t have to consciously
feed the feelings with judgments and additional unpleasant emotions. Some good
responses overall: self-care, talking with others about it, taking a relaxed
approach to your day,and not pushing yourself to be “normal.”
Check out my earlier article for more tips on managing your mental health during this trying time.