Yes, You’re Allowed To Be Upset About COVID-19

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I’ve questioned whether or not to continue to write on the subject of COVID-19 knowing that it can be anxiety-provoking for some and overall exhausting for most. I felt it was important to address the feelings we’re all experiencing on some degree. Your feelings are valid and you need to allow them to be.

 
You’re Allowed to Be Nervous

First of all, everyone around the globe is facing this threat. When you face a threat your body goes into the “fight or flight” response. True, it may not be on your doorstep, it may not be your family member, it may not be in your town, even, but it is a threat nonetheless. It’s one you can see plastered across social media, emails, government websites, business doors, and the list goes on. A reminder of the threat is near-constant at this point.

You’re allowed to feel unbalanced no matter if you’re staying safely at home or fighting the illness on the front lines of the emergency room. You are allowed to feel nervous or anxious. You are allowed to sense danger even though it isn’t immediately targeting you. Your brain is on high alert each time to read about, got shopping, disinfect a newly delivered box and follow a new ordinance. Even if you’re relatively safe, that doesn’t mean you feel like it.

What to Do About Nervousness

Once you’ve acknowledged and validated how you’re feeling, I’m sure you don’t want to stay a ball of anxiety consistently until this is over. I probably sound like a broken record, but this is where I bring mindfulness in. You can read more in depth on it in my previous article on it but for this topic I want to focus on the basic principal of mindfulness; being present in the moment while suspending judgment.

Don’t judge yourself for being nervous and don’t judge it as something that shouldn’t be happening because it’s totally normal given the circumstances. It can just be what it is and then you redirect yourself. Clean the house, play a video game, go for a walk (where permitted), read a book, teach yourself a new skill, sing, dress up, play with a pet…basically all of those self-care things I prattle on about.

You’re Allowed to Be Disappointed

Even though you haven’t contracted the virus and the people you care about are well, that doesn’t mean you should just sit and count your blessings quietly. Yes, it is wonderful if you and your loved ones are healthy and financially stable. Yes, it is something to be thankful for. No, it does not mean that you aren’t allowed to be disappointed or mourn your losses.

I’ve had two concerts indefinitely postponed, interviews put on hold, the annual adult Easter Egg Hunt postponed or cancelled (not sure yet), and I can’t even go yard sale hunting like I LOVE to do this time of year. I’m disappointed and I was genuinely mourning these losses, still am to some degree. If you had events cancelled, aren’t allowed to do the things you typically enjoy doing, or were looking forward to something that is no longer permitted due to a government order, you’re entitled to feelings about it.

What to Do About Disappointment

Just like with nervousness, acknowledge you feelings. Acknowledge that you feel that loss and you are disappointed. If changing focus to what you do have and can look forward to will help you, go for it. But if that is going to make you feel guilty for being disappointed, don’t. You may have much to be grateful for but you can be grateful and still be disappointed. Those feelings can exist together.

You’re Allowed to Miss People

Yes, you’re keeping them and yourself safe by staying away and that’s awesome. If you’re like me, though, you still miss your people terribly. You can do all the telephone calls, video chats, and multiplayer online games for every moment of the day, but there’s ultimately nothing like being with those people in person. Feeling their presence, taking in their scent, and basking in their aura.

Even if you’ve stayed in touch and gotten creative with staying connected, you’re still allowed to miss your people. I miss seeing my best friend almost every day at the gym. I miss my whole group of friends who come together weekly for board games. I miss my aunt who works in a hospital and for obvious reasons isn’t visiting friends and family.

Of course I keep up with all of my people as I’m sure you do with yours. But we miss them. We are allowed to miss them.

We’re also allowed to miss people who aren’t our friends and family. You can miss the people you see at the gym daily and weekly, your co-workers, the check-out lady at your favorite non-essential store, the owners of your go-to local restaurant who are social distancing to keep you and your food orders safe…the list goes on. You’re allowed to miss them, too.

 What to Do About Missing Your People

Missing people is tough. You may not just be missing them, alone, but also missing what they represent like structure and normalcy. Again, I can’t stress enough to validate these feelings to yourself as normal and human. Don’t present judgments on yourself or the feelings. Keep up staying in touch as best you can but also find other ways to develop your normal such as keeping a routine.

For all of these feelings, know that acknowledgement and validation are not the same as dwelling and letting feelings fester. I’m not saying you have to snap out of it or move on, but you also don’t have to consciously feed the feelings with judgments and additional unpleasant emotions. Some good responses overall: self-care, talking with others about it, taking a relaxed approach to your day,and not pushing yourself to be “normal.”

Check out my earlier article for more tips on managing your mental health during this trying time.

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When Your Self-Care Wears You Out

Photo provided by Pexels.com, Photographer: Ylanite Koppens

Sometimes, the things we do for self-care can leave us needing more self-care. I know that’s what’s been happening to me these past few weeks. This weekend marked show time and the end of a local production I’ve been preparing for since October. I loved being part of it, loved acting and singing, loved the experience of making new connections and getting to know new people. But it was also super draining.

I’ve always been the sort who does as much as I possibly can because I’m interested in so much. And it truly is my self-care to take classes, learn dances, perform on stage, cosplay, DIY…everything, and do all the other basic self-care stuff like resting, spending time with loved ones, and taking long showers. But it still adds up.

I think being in the play was just a tipping point on top of the cosplay I was working on for this weekend, on top of the holiday hustle and bustle, on top of working out, on top of…well, you get it. Nevertheless, I find myself slowly trying to recover this week and I’ve got to deliberately be gentle with myself. Even though I know that, it’s pretty tough to do. So I figured I’d write about it to remind myself and maybe provide you with some helpful tips in the meanwhile.

How to care for yourself after you’re worn out…from self-care.

1. Be Kind to Yourself: If your favorite self-care is as time-consuming as mine is, you may end up with a few dishes in the sink or a messy room, you may be a little more forgetful that usual, and you may need an extra nap or two. Be kind and allow yourself not to be superhuman. You can’t possibly do EVERYTHING…as much as you (or I) may want to.

2. Be Patient with the Aftermath: After you do the thing, whatever that may be, you figure everything will fall back into place. You’ll start back at the gym and the house will be clean and your social life will reset…that’s a nice fantasy, but it’s unlikely it’ll all just bounce back. If you’re like me, you’ll still be playing catch-up by trying to chase down time to devote to getting life back on track. It will get back on track, but it will happen gradually. There was a built-up that took time and it'll take time to break it down again.

Plus, if you’re really like me, you’ve got a bunch of these time-intensive self-care hobbies going at once, so when one ends it just means you can give more attention to the other one. It’s cool, the dishes won’t go anywhere. Prioritize time where you think it’s most needed.

3. Spread It Out: I’m certainly guilty of not doing this and sometimes that’s not something I can help. The latter part of the year brings on a lot of opportunities for the activities I enjoy like acting, cosplay, quarter auctions, and concerts. However, I recommend to you and to myself to try to spread out these taxing self-care hobbies by not jumping right into the next one that comes along. You can wait for the next one after that to give you some recovery time.

4. Be Comfortable with Saying “No:" No to yourself, no to others, no to the event, no, no, no. Practice it. Let it roll off your tongue. Explanations not needed. If you have to turn it down for your own rest and sanity, turn it down. For example, do I want to try out for the next play in January? Absolutely! Am I going to? Well, right now I say “no.” Time will tell if I stick to it…and time heals wounds rather well.

5. Don’t Forget That It Takes a Toll: With time healing everything so quickly, it’s easy to forget the toll it all took in the first place. Do your best to burn it into your memory, not to scare you away, but to allow you to make a good choice about taking it on again. I always go into a show knowing I’ll be exhausted at the end and it makes being kind to myself easier throughout the process.

6. Do Self-Care That Will Balance You Out: The time constraints make it tough but you can do it! Fit in those self-care activities that won’t add to the toll so your intensive self-care can still fill you with satisfaction and pride. Take a bubble bath, listen to your favorite music, pet the cat, get the right amount of sleep, eat all your meals, tap into your self-care toolbox, practice deep breathing and mindfulness… the list goes on.

As I’m writing this, it sounds weird to consider that some self-care is stressful and taxing at the same time it is revitalizing. I suppose life is a give and take, a careful balancing of scales, and governed by the yin-yang philosophy. Awareness and deliberate action or inaction is the key to this equilibrium. Care for yourself even when you're doing self-care.

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Get Creative With Mental Wellness

Think back to the last time you molded clay, concocted slime, drew a picture, decorated a room…any one of your favorite creative ventures. Which senses did you involve? Was it relaxing or energizing? Did you join others in the experience or focus on your imagination? How did you feel once you’d completed your goal?

This past weekend I baked and decorated a cake, eager to try my hand at some of the techniques I’d seen in step-by-step videos that make everything look so easy. I may not have the skills of a master confectioner, but I did feel satisfaction, focus, and a release of energy from the 4 hour—that’s right, it took FOREVER—baking/decorating marathon. This is what I want to address today: how art benefits your mental health.

As a mental health and co-occurring disorders therapist, I do not specialize in art therapy, but I do appreciate how creativity positively impacts our mental health. What I do know about art therapy is that it’s about expression, engaging all senses, and tapping into places talking often cannot.  It’s a powerful therapy modality that I don’t intend to get into here, but it got me thinking that if art is used in therapy (something I believe in so strongly) it must be good for you outside of therapy!

 Here are the 5 ways doing art can benefit your mental health:

1. Self-Esteem—Plain and simple; it feels so good to complete a project successfully. Whether it’s a paint by numbers or five foot bronze sculpture, you can feel good about the work you did. If you’re just getting started, your skills can improve with practice increasing self-esteem as you see your work getting better. This further amplifies when others appreciate your work.

I received so many compliments for the steampunk pumpkin centerpieces I made for my wedding. All of them left with guests and the wedding party.  I still feel so good about the work I did and how beautiful they came out.

2. Stress reduction—Color a mandala, experiment with water colors, create a floral arrangement, or piece together a scrapbook. Something that has repetition can be particularly soothing. When you’re fully engaged in your art, you’re in the present moment, reducing the ability to reach into the future and examine the “what ifs” that support stress. Pairing art with mindfulness is an opportunity to use both for stress reduction.

3. Social Connection—There are so many ways we can use art to connect with others—reducing isolation. You can go to one time events such as a paint night, join a local club focusing on knitting, take a non-credit course to improve your craft, or engages friends and family in a craft night. All of these bring you in physical contact with others. There are options digitally as well. Groups on social media share ideas and finished works of art to develop conversation and camaraderie around artwork of different kinds.

4. Energy Release—You can definitely work out pent-up physical energy through art as much of it can be tactile. Emotional energy can also be released through self-expression. You have control over the art you create putting power in place of fear so that you can be free to express what words cannot. Before I baked and decorated by cake this weekend, I was buzzing with the anticipation of creating it for a couple of weeks. I worked out the energy once I took on the challenge. I feel it charging up again and I’ll have to get back to my baking pans to do it once more.

5. Redirected Thinking—Art tends to require attention and concentration. You may have to plan out your next move with each new step to a project or keep track of how many times you’ve completed a certain action. By taking your attention and concentration, art can free your mind from negative thoughts that fuel various mental health disorders and cause decline. Additionally, coupled with the increase of self-esteem, you can also utilize your pride in your work as a positive counter to negative self-talk.

I’d like to end on some suggestions for getting started in making art a part of your regular self-care:

• Start a Pintrest board to gather ideas and how to’s
• Get into cosplay by making costumes, armor, and fake weapons
• Join a crafting group at your local library or community center
• Purchase low-cost supplies if you’re uncertain of what you’d enjoy to allow you to try it first
• Start back where you left off on a previous art project or hobby
• Don’t limit your art expression to traditional modalities—paint shoes, sculpt fondant, mold chocolate, create mash ups, think three dimensional, try big and small…whatever it is, make sure you’re doing it for you and the way you want to do it.

Art is beneficial for our mental health as a means of increasing self-esteem, reducing stress, connecting socially, releasing energy, and redirecting thinking. Adding art to your self-care toolbox is a great way of engaging most or all of your senses in your recovery and management of mental illness, or maintaining mental wellness. Get out there and create! Share your creations in the comments on Twitter with me!

Disclaimer—As mentioned above, I do not specialize in art therapy and am not referring to art therapy techniques in this post. As always, this blog and posts therein are not intended as medical or clinical advice. 

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What Are You Waiting For? Get Outdoors to Improve Your Mental Health!

Herons on the Water by Ali Nicole

The fresh air, the soothing breeze, the vibrant colors and deep textures, all buzzing with life. That’s what I enjoyed over a long weekend as I made my way outdoors to explore local nature trails for healing and tranquility. I want to share with you the benefits to mental health I found there.

If you follow this blog on Instagram, you might have seen this article coming as I’ve posted multiple pictures from my walks already. Indeed, I found it so inspiring and beautiful I had to share it with you! I feel it’s also worth exploring the mental health benefits of being outside in nature.

The Mental Health Benefits I Found In Nature Walks

Joy – The biggest benefit that stands out is the joy I got from my time outside. It’s difficult not to smile and revel in the art in nature. I saw brilliantly colored wildflowers, expansive spider webs wet with dew, and wildlife at peace in safe habitats. Joy is temporary because it is an emotion but it is something you can seek out in experiences such as this!

Relaxation and stress reduction – There is no hurry out on the trails. While you can benefit from the physical activity, that’s not the primary objective. It can be, but you can also just allow nature to be a place to breathe like I did. Take your time meandering and devouring the sites.

Self-esteem boost – This was unexpected, but I felt like a priestess of the Earth as I connected with nature. Although I was in my yoga getup and sneakers, I look back envisioning myself as the gothic goddess at my core spirit. Try going out on a beautiful, lush nature trail and not feel like the lady of the lake. I don’t believe it can be done.

Clear mind – The ability to feel present and aware in the moment has never been stronger than in the moments I’m exploring wooded trails. In fact, the experience is perfect for practicing mindfulness because it’s so simple to put your mind solely on the beauty in front of you. Where I go, there tends to be a lot of tree roots protruding from the ground, so I had to be extra aware so as not to fall!

Companionship – You can choose to go with others or on your own (safety precautions taken, of course), but from my experience I enjoying the trails most with others. Sharing the experience reduces feelings of isolation and gives an extra set of eyes and point of view. What you miss, a companion can highlight for you.

If you’ve read the rest of the blog, you know I had to do some research to see if there was empirical support for what I was experiencing.

I found a bevy of information from an article on the MentalHealth Benefits of the Outdoors. Reduced stress and increased joy are major benefits, just as I felt. Better concentration and attention are also indicated, which I consider parts of a clear mind.  Additionally, according to a 2005 study, mixing the outdoors with exercise has been shown to boost self-esteem as well when the setting is eye-pleasing. You may already know from my previous article on exercise, that physical activity can reduce loneliness because it tends puts you in contact with other—moving outdoors fits into this as well.

What benefits can you find in the outdoors? Embrace your inner weirdo and step into the skin of the Earthen god or goddess you’ve always wanted to be. Find your own mental health benefits exploring outside.
 

Works Cited

“Exercise and Mental Health.” Healthdirect, www.healthdirect.gov.au/exercise-and-mental-health.

McMichael, Sarah. “Mental Health Benefits of Spending Time in Nature.” Ontario Parks, 23 Apr. 2019, www.ontarioparks.com/parksblog/mental-health-benefits-outdoors/.

Pretty, J, et al. “The Mental and Physical Health Outcomes of Green Exercise.” International Journal of Environmental Health Research, vol. 15, no. 5, Oct. 2005, pp. 319–337. The National Center for Biotechnology Information, doi:10.1080/09603120500155963.

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Managing Mental Health with Mindfulness

Imagine what it would feel like to fully focus on a moment without reaching into the phantom future or stewing in the concrete past. How would the moment change without negative judgments or fearful possibilities hovering over it? Mindfulness reveal the present and it’s a great tool for mental wellness.

When mindfulness was first introduced to me, I was resistant. I remember sitting in class, building up the mental brick wall to the intangible exercises that sounded far too much like meditation. “This hippy stuff won’t work,” I thought skeptically.

In the present, my skepticism has softened into acceptance. The concept of mindfulness as a healthy practice has seeped into my pores through osmosis. It surrounded me until one day I found the brick wall keeping it out completely dissolved.

Mindfulness broke down my resistance because, well, it works! Once it’s learned, it can’t be unlearned. I’ve taken it in and utilized it on my own without even intending to as I’ve brought it to my therapeutic work. Unwittingly, I find myself loving the practice the more I preach it.

Enough of me gushing! Let me explain what mindfulness is, what it does, and how you can use it for your benefit.

 What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the practice of being in the moment, fully present, without judgment. It is closely connected in meditation and a necessary part of it some might say. However, meditation isn’t needed to use mindfulness. Mindfulness can act all its own to provide an array of benefits to many areas of living—this article will just be focusing on mental health.

What does mindfulness do?

It reduces stress—When aware in the moment, we are able to recognize what is happening in mind and body before it overcomes us. Mindfulness can give a fighting chance against stress. Consider this, if you notice your thoughts are negative and rapid along with tense shoulders, you have the power to attend to your thoughts and work to relax your tensing muscles. Bringing the buildup of stress to a halt.

The research backs this up—researchers found in 2007 that mindfulness reduced overall levels of stress in graduate students studying clinical psychology. As a bonus, they found a reduction in ruminating on thoughts and, as we will explore more below, the participants were better able to regulate emotions (Shapiro et al., 2007).

It improves emotional regulation—Think of a time when you didn’t recognize how you were feeling until it disrupted the day, others began to notice the change, or, at worst, it was misdirected to cause emotional harm to self or others. Using mindfulness promotes awareness of emotional experience which can increase reaction time to said emotions for management. The sooner the emotions are recognized, the sooner their impact can be managed and reduced; emotional regulation.

Improved emotional regulation with use of mindfulness was specifically studied by Hill and Updegraff in 2011. Results of this study showed with mindfulness practice, emotional regulation was improved and this included reduced emotional reactivity and less rapid switching between emotions (Hill & Updegraff, 2011). Mindfulness practice enhanced the ability to control emotions rather than letter emotions be in control.

It can help treat anxiety and depression symptoms—Anxiety and depression can both be related to stress and emotional deregulation. We know mindfulness helps with both of these. Additionally, anxiety sends the mind into the future, fearing what may come to pass, and depression send the mind into the past, lamenting missed chances and what no longer is. If mindfulness works to bring the mind into the present then it cannot also occupy the past and future.

In the research, mindfulness is kept in the context of therapy, called mindfulness based therapy, to help treat anxiety and depression. One meta-analysis study by Boston University researchers looked at 39 studies that focused on mindfulness based therapy treating these disorders. They found that mindfulness based therapy was an effective treatment for anxiety and depression across these many research results (Hofman et al., 2010).

It does…so much more—I suspect we are just starting to understand what mindfulness can do for mental health and the research will only grow. In addition to the above, Jeena Cho presented more information on mindfulness in a Forbes article that included benefits such as increased body satisfaction, lower distractedness, and overall better cognition (2016). In personal and clinical experience, I find mindfulness improves focus, time management, and motivation. Such a vast array of payback for an easy and enjoyable practice!

Ready to learn to use mindfulness? Let’s get started…

How is mindfulness practiced?

As you know now, it can be used alongside meditation, but that’s not the only way to use it. I’d like to start you off with two of my go-to exercises for beginning mindfulness practice. These are separate from meditation and easy to do.

Mindful Breathing:

Find a quiet space to sit comfortably and close your eyes or soften them to focus on one spot. Start at five minutes and increase your time to 10 or 15 as you progress. You can set an alarm to manage time.

Once in your space, understand that the goal of mindful breathing is to focus on your breath and the sensations related to it. As you breathe, you can notice the air in and out of your lungs lifting and dropping the chest, stomach and/or shoulders. Feel the air temperature in and out and the sensation of air entering your throat.

During the time you’re practicing this focus your mind may wander. Acknowledge the stray thoughts, let them go, do not judge them or yourself, and calmly return to the breath. This exercise makes minimal demands while allowing for training in basic principles of mindfulness.

Due to its minimal nature, mindful breathing may be difficult to start with for people who need active focus. For this, I use the body scan exercise with elements of progressive muscle relaxation. This provides a moving focus while operating on the same principles.

Body Scan:

Find a comfortable seating position or lay flat with eyes closed or softened. The focus will start at the breath as in the mindful breathing exercise. Once focused, bring attention gradually to each food, calf, and thigh, the core, the chest and back, the shoulders, each arm and hand, the neck, and the head/face, moving up as though doing a scan of the body.

Examine each area for sensations such as temperature, internal feeling, external feeling, muscle tension, and so on. Once completed in the area of focus, let go of anything no serving you such as tension or judgment. It helps me to imagine it flowing out in light wisps; use any visualization you’d like. At the end you should feel muscles relaxed and return to your breathing before exiting the exercise.

After either the body scan or mindful breathing is completed, notice any thoughts that were difficult to let go of or sensations you didn’t recognize before starting. Consider if your temperature, posture, heart rate, or breathing changed. You may want to keep a journal of this process to see progress.

Once you feel you’ve made enough progress to feel comfortable in using mindfulness, you can use more advanced exercises as well. There are so many great resources for mindfulness exercises across the web and supported in mobile apps.

Mindful Eating:

This exercise turns a mundane, daily, sometimes thoughtless activity into an opportunity for awareness. It’s often recommended using a food that is small, textured, and aromatic to do this practice, such as a raisin. However, mindful eating can be done with any food you choose to eat.

Your goal will be to focus fully on eating without distracting thoughts or judgment. Take time to examine the food, each bite of it, with all senses. Feel the weight of the utensil in your hand, the temperature of the food, and the texture as you chew. Smell from the plate and from your utensil. See the colors, consistency, and arrangement of it. Hear the sounds of scraping, chewing, and swallowing. Of course, take time to slowly taste and savor each bite.

Three 3’s Grounding Exercise:

Mindfulness grounding exercises are helpful for a quick reset when the day gets overwhelming. While some use the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise, I prefer to use three 3’s because it’s easier to remember when focus is off. You can do this in any setting (that is safe to do so) by taking a moment to be aware. Start with finding three things you can feel such as the ground under your feet and examine each. Move on to three things you can hear like the tick of a clock and move through each slowly. Finally, attend to three things you can see and really take in the features of what you look at. Once completed, breath once to reset and bring your focus back to the present renewed.

Be consistent—These exercises are at their best when used consistently. Daily practice may not be necessary but regular practice makes it easier to use them naturally in daily life. It’s tempting to only use these when struggling, but practice when you’re doing well can increase effectiveness when stress is higher. Use mindfulness intentionally and consistently because practice makes…nothing is perfect…really good!

This information and the exercises are only the beginning. There’s a whole world of mindfulness techniques, tips, and technology available to advance and supplement your practice. Check out the the sources cited for more information on mindfulness and mental health.

Sources Cited

Cho, Jeena. “6 Scientifically Proven Benefits Of Mindfulness And Meditation.” Forbes, Forbes Magazine, 14 July 2016, www.forbes.com/sites/jeenacho/2016/07/14/10-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-mindfulness-and-meditation/#626ff6e163ce.

Hill, Christina L.M., and Updegraff, John A. “Mindfulness and Its Relationship to Emotional Regulation.” PubMed, vol. 12, no. 1, Dec. 2011, pp. 81–90. ResearchGate, doi:10.1037/a0026355

Hofmann, Stefan G, et al. “The Effect of Mindfulness-Based Therapy on Anxiety and Depression: A Meta-Analytic Review.” Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, vol. 78, no. 2, 2010, pp. 169–183. SemanticScholar, doi: 10.1037/a0018555.

Shapiro, Shauna L., et al. “Teaching Self-Care to Caregivers: Effects of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction on the Mental Health of Therapists in Training.” Training and Education in Professional Psychology, vol. 1, no. 2, 2007, pp. 105–115., doi:10.1037/1931-3918.1.2.105.

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