What It Looks Like: Seasonal Depression

Seasonal affective disorder (seasonal depression) is no longer a diagnosis on its own. It is now consider a modifier and pattern of major depressive disorder. The name of the previously distinct disorder prevails, however. With that out of the way, let's discuss what it looks like.

Disclaimer: This post—like all my content—is NOT intended for the purpose of diagnosis or treatment. It is for informational purposes only. The only place you can truly receive diagnosis and treatment is with a YOUR professional, qualified treatment provider following the proper assessment(s). Proceed with caution and use this post and all posts for information purposes ONLY.

Most people think of  seasonal depression as something that happens in the colder months of the year. While that is a more prevalent presentation, it is not the only presentation. Because I, myself, live with depression during warm months, I thought it was a timely opportunity to share an understanding of seasonal depression-even in the spring and summer.

If you're living with seasonal depression, you also meet the criteria of major depressive disorder. Because I've discussed what depression looks like before, I'll only give a quick recap; sadness and similar feelings most of the time; lack of enjoyment; low motivation and energy; disturbed appetite and sleep; thoughts of death and suicide (help and support available by calling emergency services, calling a hotline such as National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 which is the USA number, or reaching out to local crisis resources are just some of the options).

What makes seasonal depression different from other depressive disorders is that it is only present during certain seasons, consistently. As mentioned earlier, most people tend to experience this during the winter due to the diminished sunlight, the reduction in outdoor activity, and colder temperatures. There are still those of us who find we get hit with depressive episodes during the weather's shift to warm temperatures.

I've realized over time that I'm one of these people. While there's a lot of understanding of why the colder, darker months of the year tend to bring on depression, it's harder to analyze seasonal depression during warmer, brighter months. Looking at myself for some answers, I can think of some of the factors involved in spring/summer seasonal depression.

It's Soooooo Hot

I've never been able to grasp how people could spend a day at the beach, baking in the sun and breathing in air hotter than a dragon's breath. Then again, I'm sure those same people can't understand how I enjoy brisk walks in crisp thirty-some degree weather. The conclusion: people with seasonal depression in the warm months have a sensitivity to warmer temperatures. On the flip side, I've often heard people with winter seasonal depression say they can't stand the cold, which must mean they experience the opposite.

Allergies

The second a groundhog sees his shadow my body reacts violently...against itself. My facial skin and scalp dry and flake, my eyes are itchy and painful at the same time, and I'm in for months of feeling like I'm developing strep throat. It can't just be me.
There are those of us out there with such uncomfortable allergies that we barely feel human, let alone ourselves. It definitely does a number on mood, motivation, confidence, and self-image. It's important to note, of course depression can just happen with no catalyst, but it can also develop related to circumstances both external and internal.

Too Much Sun

If the people dealing with seasonal depression in the winter worsen due, in part, to not having enough sun, the opposite must be true for the people like me. In theory, sun is good for us. Most people are supposed to get some sun exposure. But that doesn't mean we want more than 12 hours of daylight.
Having very pale skin and sensitivity to heat, I'm predisposed to hate the sun as it is. But I also find having too much daylight, even if I'm not out in it, throws my body off and makes it hard to relax in the evening. If you're weird like me and take a long time to fully wake up, even when you're up and going, you also hate how bright the sun shines and greets you on a summer morning when you'd rather the world be as dim as your brain activity.

Lack of Consistency

While the cooler months of the year can be hectic with a return to school, the rush of holidays, and event after event, they tend to have a great deal of structure and consistency. Not so as we move into the spring and summer. Vacations start happening as soon as spring break hits and don't stop until school's back in session in the fall. School is generally out for the summer time and barbecues pop up every weekend. That means a change in traffic flow (for those of us who work with clients like me, hairdressers, and automotive technicians) at work and on the roads, a change in contact with others, less regularity holding our days together, and, for those with kids, the pressure of finding childcare.
I, personally, feel bored in the spring and summer. I love the hustle and bustle of the holidays starting with Halloween all the way through St. Patrick's day. It gives me something to look forward to every month. I get to decorate and re-decorate, give gifts, cook special meals, and get creative. The spring and summer time feel aimless and it makes me melancholic.

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What It Looks Like: Depression

Content/Trigger Warning: suicide

Sadness is what many people equate with depression, but sadness is an emotion everyone experiences whereas depression is a group of symptoms that can include sadness—not all people experience depression. Many well-meaning friends, family and co-workers recount the tales of their sad times and how they managed the sadness in hopes of supporting a person managing depression. This effort often falls short and can even feel demeaning because it isn’t genuine to the person’s experience.

So what is the experience of depression?

Disclaimer: This post—like all my content—is NOT intended for the purpose of diagnosis or treatment. It is for informational purposes only. The only place you can truly receive diagnosis and treatment is with a YOUR professional, qualified treatment provider following the proper assessment(s). Proceed with caution and use this post and all posts for information purposes ONLY.

Sadness, Hopelessness, Helplessness

One of the two main criteria to indicate depression is regular sadness, helplessness, and/or hopelessness more time than not. For example, you may have two really good days out of the week and the other five days feel sad, think hopeless thoughts, and have a sense of helplessness most of that time. There may be unexplained crying because the sadness doesn’t always present itself clearly, particularly when life is going well and there isn’t a perceived “reason” to be sad.

Of course, depression doesn’t need a reason to be there. Life can be great and the sadness still present. Additionally, depression can be present without sadness.

Lack of enjoyment

The other main criteria to indicate depression is not getting enjoyment or pleasure out of what you normally would. You may love to dance—it lifts your mood—but when you go out, you find you’ve been dancing for 30 minutes and just feel neutral, blah, bored.  You notice time with friends consists of less and less real laughs and smiles. Laughs and smiles require effort as you try to play along to mimic your former reactions which you can no longer feel.

I think of this experience similar to when your taste buds are damaged (having had my tonsils out at 22, it’s something I can say was miserable) and you go to eat your favorite food which you know is delicious, but when you take a bite the damaged buds can’t form the taste. After a while, you don’t have much of an appetite because food all tastes the same and none of it is enjoyable. That’s what happens to fun events, hobbies, and interactions with depression. Because depression feeds into itself, if sadness and hopelessness wasn’t present before, it may start to form in reaction to not finding pleasure in anything.

 Lower motivation, energy, and productivity

Perhaps related to the lack of pleasure resulting in a no internal reward, there may be a reduction in motivation to do…well, anything. For some this can be something hard fought against to continue life as “normal,” but it’s a grueling grind. For others this may be so severe that even motivation to go to work, school, get a shower, or eat something is impossible to achieve.

Energy levels may feel depleted which could be due to the reduction in energy-producing functions dropping off such as exercise, eating (discussed below), and planning, in addition to the chemical imbalance in the brain. What a person does throughout the day—work, grocery shopping, cooking, etc.—may slow down. Others notice that you’re moving or completing tasks at a slower pace and you may feel your thinking slow down as well.

 
Appetite Change

As mentioned above, when a person is depressed they may start eating less. They may also start eating more. Appetite and, consequently, weight gain are sometimes part of what depression looks like. It may look like skipping multiple meals due to lacking energy and motivation to cook. Just as possible, eating to manage feelings of sadness or boredom is also possible.

 

Sleep disturbance

Much of what is described above I might suggest is compounded by, or even developed as a result of, sleep disturbance. Similar to the appetite change, problems with sleep can go either way—too much or too little. A person may struggle to sleep due to the negative thoughts and sadness weighing on their mind each night after another day of feeling slowed down, guilty, and hopeless. For another person, sleep may be all that seems possible in between work and the bare minimum of daily tasks leading to three hour naps between 12 hour sleep cycles.

It isn’t hard to see how all of these can work together and cycle depression into a difficult to break pattern of chemical imbalance and sustaining behaviors.

Thoughts of death and suicide

This is the part where I remind you again that this blog and all of my affiliated social media accounts are not monitored 24/7 and I cannot provide support to those who are experiencing suicidal thoughts. Here, where I am in the USA the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is: 1-800-273-8255. For those not in the USA who need resources to reach out to, I’ve linked suicide.org, International Association For Suicide Prevention, and internationalbipolarfoundation for your reference. Local emergency rooms/hospitals can also be safety resources. If you’re having suicidal thoughts, seek help.

With that said, frequent thoughts of death or suicide can be part of the presentation of depression. Of course, this is serious and help is out there to maintain safety as you can see from the above resources. One person could have unwanted images cross their mind of a suicidal act whereas another may think of the idea of death often but not consider suicide. Further still, a person may actively develop a plan for suicide and think of it occasionally, but another person could think about suicide multiple times a day without ever making a plan or attempt.

There are so many ways this can make an impact on the mind and each person experiences it unique to them. Of course, not everyone who is dealing with depression is suicidal or focuses on death. Further, not everyone who considers suicide is depressed.

My Depression Tale

Because depression, like many mental illnesses, is so variable in its presentation, I’d like to end with my story of depression. Looking back, I’ve had recurrent episodes of it. For me, depression tends to come along when the anxiety is worse.

The anxiety will create discomfort that runs me down and makes me tired. The fears I have for the future start to mix with regrets from the past. Regrets I don’t have until depression rears its ugly head. I do sleep more and eat less—that may be the anxiety causing stomach troubles, too. If I enjoy things, it’s for short periods of time.

I notice time spent with others is more taxing because I work harder to present the way I “should.” Of course, that only makes me more exhausted and leads to regular crying episodes—mostly when alone. No one says I’ve slowed down but my thoughts feel like they are. Decision and concentration get harder.

There’s a lot of anger—at myself, my thoughts, the anxiety—that fires off at random. After so long, I start wishing it would stop being so painful all the time as my gut twists, the fibromyalgia and PCOS flair up, and I just keep crying. Images, unwanted and alarming, may pop into my head of self-harm and I say things like, “I wish I would just die.”

Once the thoughts of self-harm and death enter in, I know it’s at its peak. Somehow, usually self-care against all odds and doing the opposite of what depression wants me to do, it starts to ease up again. After coming to the conclusion that’s what I was dealing with, the episodes have been shorter and less jarring. I do a lot of work to quickly address the episode before it gets out of hand.

I keep a vigilant mindset so that I can recognize it before it takes a toll.

I haven’t had a depressive episode in a while now but know it could come back. If it does, I’ll keep trying to move forward, knowing it will get better. In the meantime, I will keep up my self-care, as I’m sure you already know is so important.

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Mental Illness Does Not Cause Mass Violence. Period.

I’d hoped it would be another blip on the radar: the blaming of mass shootings and violence on mental illness. This has been the claim so many times, and so many times it has been disproved by countless studies and experts. Although the idea will crop up here and there, it typically gets quickly quashed. This time it’s gone on for weeks, making headlines (touted by powerful persons), and I felt the need to address it.

Mental illness does not cause mass violence.

I could rant about the above in pages upon pages of text. I could find countless research articles and research summaries proving that statement. I could, but I’m not.

I’m choosing not to do this because there shouldn’t need to be any explanation. People with mental illness, people like me and the people I serve, are not going to be the scapegoat. I am glad there are others calling out powerful people for using us this way. However, I am tired of the fact that anyone has to continually be reminded that mental illness does not equal violence.

I want it to stand as a fact, alone, that having a mental illness is not the common thread tying together mass shootings. So I offer you no research, no statistics, no argument. You and I know the truth so I will preach it as fact.

Yes, people can do terrible things and some of those people might have a mental illness, but they also might not.

People with mental illnesses are your neighbors, your kids, your co-workers, your teachers, and, yes, your therapists, too. You know them living peacefully beside you, offering you support at work and school, and guiding you through your own difficulties with care and compassion. They are productive members of society managing their mental illness the same way another person might any physical illness.

Speaking of physical illnesses (like diabetes and multiple sclerosis)—what do you think the reaction would be to a world leader blaming mass violence on one of these illnesses? How about blaming mass violence on all the physical illnesses?

That’s what happening when someone says that mental illness causes mass violence. They are saying that all of the mental illnesses are causing mass violence. This is directed towards every person diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress, any substance use disorder, anorexia nervosa, somatoform disorder….these are only a fraction of the mental illnesses diagnosable by standards used in the United States.

How stupid it sounds to consider this asinine claim. How harmful it is that all of these people, all of us, get stigmatized once again. How long does it take before we don’t allow the idea to be entertained?

Stand up and preach our truth that mental illness does not cause mass violence.

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What Are You Waiting For? Get Outdoors to Improve Your Mental Health!

Herons on the Water by Ali Nicole

The fresh air, the soothing breeze, the vibrant colors and deep textures, all buzzing with life. That’s what I enjoyed over a long weekend as I made my way outdoors to explore local nature trails for healing and tranquility. I want to share with you the benefits to mental health I found there.

If you follow this blog on Instagram, you might have seen this article coming as I’ve posted multiple pictures from my walks already. Indeed, I found it so inspiring and beautiful I had to share it with you! I feel it’s also worth exploring the mental health benefits of being outside in nature.

The Mental Health Benefits I Found In Nature Walks

Joy – The biggest benefit that stands out is the joy I got from my time outside. It’s difficult not to smile and revel in the art in nature. I saw brilliantly colored wildflowers, expansive spider webs wet with dew, and wildlife at peace in safe habitats. Joy is temporary because it is an emotion but it is something you can seek out in experiences such as this!

Relaxation and stress reduction – There is no hurry out on the trails. While you can benefit from the physical activity, that’s not the primary objective. It can be, but you can also just allow nature to be a place to breathe like I did. Take your time meandering and devouring the sites.

Self-esteem boost – This was unexpected, but I felt like a priestess of the Earth as I connected with nature. Although I was in my yoga getup and sneakers, I look back envisioning myself as the gothic goddess at my core spirit. Try going out on a beautiful, lush nature trail and not feel like the lady of the lake. I don’t believe it can be done.

Clear mind – The ability to feel present and aware in the moment has never been stronger than in the moments I’m exploring wooded trails. In fact, the experience is perfect for practicing mindfulness because it’s so simple to put your mind solely on the beauty in front of you. Where I go, there tends to be a lot of tree roots protruding from the ground, so I had to be extra aware so as not to fall!

Companionship – You can choose to go with others or on your own (safety precautions taken, of course), but from my experience I enjoying the trails most with others. Sharing the experience reduces feelings of isolation and gives an extra set of eyes and point of view. What you miss, a companion can highlight for you.

If you’ve read the rest of the blog, you know I had to do some research to see if there was empirical support for what I was experiencing.

I found a bevy of information from an article on the MentalHealth Benefits of the Outdoors. Reduced stress and increased joy are major benefits, just as I felt. Better concentration and attention are also indicated, which I consider parts of a clear mind.  Additionally, according to a 2005 study, mixing the outdoors with exercise has been shown to boost self-esteem as well when the setting is eye-pleasing. You may already know from my previous article on exercise, that physical activity can reduce loneliness because it tends puts you in contact with other—moving outdoors fits into this as well.

What benefits can you find in the outdoors? Embrace your inner weirdo and step into the skin of the Earthen god or goddess you’ve always wanted to be. Find your own mental health benefits exploring outside.
 

Works Cited

“Exercise and Mental Health.” Healthdirect, www.healthdirect.gov.au/exercise-and-mental-health.

McMichael, Sarah. “Mental Health Benefits of Spending Time in Nature.” Ontario Parks, 23 Apr. 2019, www.ontarioparks.com/parksblog/mental-health-benefits-outdoors/.

Pretty, J, et al. “The Mental and Physical Health Outcomes of Green Exercise.” International Journal of Environmental Health Research, vol. 15, no. 5, Oct. 2005, pp. 319–337. The National Center for Biotechnology Information, doi:10.1080/09603120500155963.

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What’s Holding People Back From Exercising?

A look at the messages being sent.

I offer many apologies for missing a posting last week. My mom went through surgery that resulted in a four night hospital stay. She came home Friday, my usual posting day and things have only started to slow down a week later.

 With her gone to get better, the morning and evening care taking activities for her two dogs fell to me. I was able to wake at the usual hour and go to bed at the same time. During the day I worked as usual, with the exception of the surgery day which saw me twitching about the waiting room for seven hours I’d expected to be no more than four. The evenings consisted of taking care of the unruly canines, making dinner, and visiting my mom.

On the surface it’s all pretty standard. Mild, minimally limiting changes which were temporary in nature. And I had to keep telling myself that as the week progressed and I grew more tired, moody, irritable, and fatigued.

As someone who lives with and manages anxiety—I do not allow myself to “suffer” from it—those symptoms are well-known adversaries, but this was more than that. I had a feeling I knew what it was by Wednesday when I found myself halfway to tears at each minor inconvenience. I needed to work out. Not wanted, needed.

Geez, I’d only missed two of my usual days. Couldn’t I keep it together for just one off week? Well, no. Not only was I not going to the gym, I was also more sedentary due the extra time spent sitting at the hospital. I’d let go of one of my main coping skills and it acted quickly.

I was already tired out by the stress of extra duties and general worry—surgeries are scary, recovery is risky. Inactivity increased the effects tenfold. My energy zapped, concentration reduced, and productivity plummeted.

I’m not writing all of this to complain. It was a necessary but temporary change that I didn’t mind making. Plus, I’ve gotten back into the swing of it all with some determination. I’m writing this anecdote because it hit me so intensely how important exercise is for my mental health and I know it’s not just me!

In theory, the moral of my story is something like, “exercise is good for your mental health, do it!” If it  were as easy as just getting out there and doing it then gyms would stay packed all year long, parks would be filled with runners, and it wouldn’t be one of the top New Year’s resolutions time and again. While I’ve experienced firsthand that exercise is good and should be done regularly, that’s not the moral of this story nor is it the ending.

Why? Because that message is already out there. Do a search of “exercise and mental health” and you’re bound to find a wealth of knowledge telling you the two are connected. The experts tend to agree about the benefits of exercise;

It lifts mood via feel-good chemicals in the brain. Dr. Gingell wrote in an article for Psychology Today that exercise stimulates endorphins and enkephalins. If you’re not yet familiar with these, they’re the natural compounds your brain produces that help manage pain and stress. In other words, they help you cope when life gets tough.

Exercise feeds the brain. In the same article, Dr. Gingell asserts that it also improves blood flow to the brain delivering oxygen allowing for increased development. Basically, it’s just one more muscle you’re working out and building.

It leads to reduction in loneliness. Whether you go to the gym or enlist a workout buddy, this can be a great way to reduce loneliness and isolation that is commonly associated with depression. This provides a structured way to increase contact with others. See the article.

And so much more…I don’t want to make this whole article about the benefits of exercise for mental health because, as I said, you can look that up easily and find a plethora of information. This scholarly article simply lists out many of the benefits. It touches on everything from improved sleep, to stress relief, to increased stamina and beyond.

Now, to the real focus of this article; the fact that, despite all the evidence supporting the use of exercise to manage mental health, there is still a great deal of resistance to it. I don’t know how much, it’s merely an observation. But I do know what I’ve seen and read.

I often come across memes demanding others not suggest exercise as a way to treat their mental illness symptoms, finding it an affront. If the reduction in numbers at the gym from January to March are any indication, it’s not something people make a long-term priority. The numbers back that up. In the United States it is estimated only about 23% of adults are getting the recommended amount of physical activity per week based on data from 2010 to 2015 reviewed by the Centers for Disease Control researchers.

It makes sense, that’s the first thing that went for me when last week got tough. It was the first thing to go when I was planning my wedding. It seems like I’m not alone in this experience.Yet, exercise literally helps you manage stress. Shouldn’t that be the first thing we run to when stressed? With all the information and public initiatives out there as well as the movement in mental health services to incorporate total wellness into treatment, you’d think exercise would be the front line behavior change.

So why isn’t it?

I researched and the answers are wide and varied.

Genetics is working against you. In a review of the findings of 2017 study, it is explained that some people have a genetic predisposition to not benefit much from typical exercise. With higher levels of a naturally produced protein, it was found in mice and later in women that there was a reduced benefit to exercise.

It seems this was based on aerobic exercise and it’s unclear if it would apply to low-impact, non-cardio activities such as yoga. Still, the findings certainly demonstrates how people with this resistance to exercise benefits may not look upon working out as a worthwhile option for mental wellness.

You have good reasons. There is a list of reasons not to exercise and they’re typically valid. Ten of them are examined in this writing but the author doesn’t just state them, she also gives suggestions on how to overcome them. Not motivated? Set up a reward system. Too overwhelming? Start small. These two are the first ones that came to my mind when considering this dilemma and I still agree this could be a big part of what people deal with.

You don’t know what the expectation should be. I know for people living with the mental health conditions that see benefits from exercise, such as anxiety and depression, it is hard to be let down by the prospects that gave you hope. You might have the wrong idea of how quickly exercise can act. And it’s not your fault because the information is minimal and contradictory. It’s been said it works as fast as five minutes after exercise is completed all the way to four weeks out following consistent 45 minute sessions, 3 times weekly. The true answer probably lies somewhere in each individual’s experience.

The message is worded wrong. This is my final thought and the one I landed on as I considered this topic. What if people who are in the throes of certain mental illnesses can’t hear the positive aspects of exercise because the brain is too focused on negativity? Depression and anxiety tend to be particularly negativity-focused.

I got to thinking back to the most basic concepts of therapy and the first step jumped out at me. Meet people where they are. If a person is in a negative mind-set, then focus the message on the negative…and taking it away.

Talking about how much working out makes a person feel more energetic probably sounds exhausting to someone who is dealing with hypersomnia and sleeping more than normal. What about forming the message to say that exercise makes exhaustion less terrible. Not better, because “better” might be too far from view at this point. The same can go for saying it raises endorphins and makes you happier. Instead, try stating that it can lift the heavy cloud up a bit. Just a general statement of what will be reduced rather than what will be gained. It’s hard to put much stock in gains when negative thoughts creep in but reduction is a more tangible concept.

I don’t know if I’m on the right track but I’m certain it’s time to change tactics. If some 77% of people in the USA are not getting enough physical activity despite all the research, public messages, and school policies, something has to give. The moral of the story is that the message needs to change and adapt to what we know about people and their needs to make it effective.

Works Cited

Blackwell, Debra L., and Tainya, Clarke C.. “State Variation in Meeting the 2008 Federal Guidelines for Both Aerobic and Muscle-Strengthening Activities Through Leisure-Time Physical Activity Among Adults Aged 18–64: United States, 2010–2015.” National Health Statistics Reports, no. 112, 28 June 2018, pp. 1–21., www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr112.pdf.

“Exercise and Mental Health.” Healthdirect, www.healthdirect.gov.au/exercise-and-mental-health.

Gingell, Sarah. “How Your Mental Health Reaps the Benefits of Exercise.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 22 Mar. 2018, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-works-and-why/201803/how-your-mental-health-reaps-the-benefits-exercise.

Jaines, Kira. “Ten Reasons People Do Not Exercise.” LIVESTRONG.COM, Leaf Group, www.livestrong.com/article/370670-ten-reasons-people-do-not-exercise/.

Misu, Hirofumi, et al. “Deficiency of the Hepatokine Selenoprotein P Increases Responsiveness to Exercise in Mice through Upregulation of Reactive Oxygen Species and AMP-Activated Protein Kinase in Muscle.” Nature Medicine, vol. 23, no. 4, 27 Feb. 2017, pp. 508–516., doi:10.1038/nm.4295.

Weir, Kirsten. “The Exercise Effect.” PsycEXTRA Dataset, vol. 42, no. 11, Dec. 2011, p. 48., doi:10.1037/e725332011-011.

Whiteman, Honor. “Why Do Some People Fail to Respond to Exercise?” Medical News Today, MediLexicon International, 1 Apr. 2017, www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/316693.php.

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