When Your Self-Care Wears You Out

Photo provided by Pexels.com, Photographer: Ylanite Koppens

Sometimes, the things we do for self-care can leave us needing more self-care. I know that’s what’s been happening to me these past few weeks. This weekend marked show time and the end of a local production I’ve been preparing for since October. I loved being part of it, loved acting and singing, loved the experience of making new connections and getting to know new people. But it was also super draining.

I’ve always been the sort who does as much as I possibly can because I’m interested in so much. And it truly is my self-care to take classes, learn dances, perform on stage, cosplay, DIY…everything, and do all the other basic self-care stuff like resting, spending time with loved ones, and taking long showers. But it still adds up.

I think being in the play was just a tipping point on top of the cosplay I was working on for this weekend, on top of the holiday hustle and bustle, on top of working out, on top of…well, you get it. Nevertheless, I find myself slowly trying to recover this week and I’ve got to deliberately be gentle with myself. Even though I know that, it’s pretty tough to do. So I figured I’d write about it to remind myself and maybe provide you with some helpful tips in the meanwhile.

How to care for yourself after you’re worn out…from self-care.

1. Be Kind to Yourself: If your favorite self-care is as time-consuming as mine is, you may end up with a few dishes in the sink or a messy room, you may be a little more forgetful that usual, and you may need an extra nap or two. Be kind and allow yourself not to be superhuman. You can’t possibly do EVERYTHING…as much as you (or I) may want to.

2. Be Patient with the Aftermath: After you do the thing, whatever that may be, you figure everything will fall back into place. You’ll start back at the gym and the house will be clean and your social life will reset…that’s a nice fantasy, but it’s unlikely it’ll all just bounce back. If you’re like me, you’ll still be playing catch-up by trying to chase down time to devote to getting life back on track. It will get back on track, but it will happen gradually. There was a built-up that took time and it'll take time to break it down again.

Plus, if you’re really like me, you’ve got a bunch of these time-intensive self-care hobbies going at once, so when one ends it just means you can give more attention to the other one. It’s cool, the dishes won’t go anywhere. Prioritize time where you think it’s most needed.

3. Spread It Out: I’m certainly guilty of not doing this and sometimes that’s not something I can help. The latter part of the year brings on a lot of opportunities for the activities I enjoy like acting, cosplay, quarter auctions, and concerts. However, I recommend to you and to myself to try to spread out these taxing self-care hobbies by not jumping right into the next one that comes along. You can wait for the next one after that to give you some recovery time.

4. Be Comfortable with Saying “No:" No to yourself, no to others, no to the event, no, no, no. Practice it. Let it roll off your tongue. Explanations not needed. If you have to turn it down for your own rest and sanity, turn it down. For example, do I want to try out for the next play in January? Absolutely! Am I going to? Well, right now I say “no.” Time will tell if I stick to it…and time heals wounds rather well.

5. Don’t Forget That It Takes a Toll: With time healing everything so quickly, it’s easy to forget the toll it all took in the first place. Do your best to burn it into your memory, not to scare you away, but to allow you to make a good choice about taking it on again. I always go into a show knowing I’ll be exhausted at the end and it makes being kind to myself easier throughout the process.

6. Do Self-Care That Will Balance You Out: The time constraints make it tough but you can do it! Fit in those self-care activities that won’t add to the toll so your intensive self-care can still fill you with satisfaction and pride. Take a bubble bath, listen to your favorite music, pet the cat, get the right amount of sleep, eat all your meals, tap into your self-care toolbox, practice deep breathing and mindfulness… the list goes on.

As I’m writing this, it sounds weird to consider that some self-care is stressful and taxing at the same time it is revitalizing. I suppose life is a give and take, a careful balancing of scales, and governed by the yin-yang philosophy. Awareness and deliberate action or inaction is the key to this equilibrium. Care for yourself even when you're doing self-care.

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Cosplay the Anxiety Away

It’s October, my favorite time of the year. It’s the time of year my brand of weird gets to shine. So let’s talk about dressing up in costume.

Pieces of my cosplay accessory being built

The first costume I remember wearing was Snow White, for Halloween. My mom made it by hand with textured fabrics and sequins. My love of costumes never seemed to dwindle. I wore a lot of costumes from then on, evolving from just Halloween costumes to characters—such as a dead club kid dressed as a fairy.

The first actual cosplay I took on was Kitana from Mortal Kombat® during my first convention. I mimicked poses from the original game for pictures and nodded at others in costumes from my game universe. It felt so comfortable.

The difference between wearing a costume and taking part in cosplay is that in cosplay you are not just dressed as the character, but acting as the character. It’s a performance in a lot of ways. You may develop a voice, movements, and poses that emulate your character.

For someone with chronic anxiety, like me, attention was uncomfortable and something to be avoided. But under the mask—literally and metaphorically—of my character, attention was tolerable, good, even. There was no pressure in social interactions because I knew what the fellow con-goers wanted from me—mostly just a picture and to pay a compliment. I found it easy to reach out with the same praise to other cosplayers.

Twelve years later, I believe this is only the tip of the iceberg of what cosplay has done for me. The research is minimal on the topic and based on personal stories more than statistics, so there’s no science supporting these views. But I know it’s not just me. I’ve know people in person and read posts online from those who have gone through some type of experiential “therapy” by taking part in cosplay.

What do I think cosplay can do for you?

Cosplay improves social interaction: If you’ve read my blog, you know I like to highlight social interaction as a major part of mental well-being given that so many mental illness lead to isolation. Whether you’re sharing ideas and photos with a social media cosplay community, going to a Halloween party or local event, working on accessories with friends, or attending a convention welcoming costumes, this is a hobby that will lead to interaction.

As I mentioned earlier, talking to others is easier at conventions and other events where people are coming in costume. The start of a conversation is as easy as commenting on their look. For those who don’t know how to start the conversation, chances are someone will want to talk about your costume. If you cosplay, you’ll be there as a character and act as the character (appropriately) which may take the pressure off of worrying about what others will think of you since you’re being someone or something else.

Is it perfect? No, you’ll probably want to be able to feel comfortable as yourself and be socially interactive in other settings. I think of this as a really fun stepping stone, a place where it can feel a little bit safer to try out social skills.

Cosplay engages the mind: As I’ve mentioned before, creativity is good for the mind and hobbies tend to also be our coping and self-care skills. Many cosplayers make their own costumes and accessories which requires building skills, practicing, and trying new techniques. Regular con-goers tend to have a cosplay project going at all times.

Even if you don’t want to make everything from scratch, there’s still going to be a level of creativity you may not have expected. You can find creativity in developing the right make-up style, making alterations to existing clothes and shoes, styling a wig, or developing the character’s posture and poses. Regardless of how you approach this, you will be engaging your mind and keeping yourself focused on something enjoyable.

Cosplay gives you something to look forward to: Whether it’s the next convention, taking and editing photos, or seeing the look you developed come together, there’s always something to look forward to! When you have something to anticipate, it can often help you get through the tough day at work or push through the fatigue that drags you down. We should all have something to look forward to and cosplay can be a consistent provider of anticipation due to the near-infinite possibilities for costumes and regular scheduling of conventions all over. And, of course, every year there’s Halloween! *MY FAVORITE!*

Cosplay improves problem-solving: When you’re developing your costume, it’s usually not smooth sailing. You’ll make mistakes, try multiple ways to address a need, and learn new information in order to develop the look you want. What you’ll get out of it is an ability to assess the issue, take on new perspective, and adapt to the situation. Developing your cosplay can often help you practice patience and flexibility. Additionally, if you have a wardrobe malfunction, you’ll learn quickly what you need to carry with you to manage those and/or how to ask for help from others.

Personally, I feel more outgoing, comfortable with attention, and open to new experiences since testing the waters with cosplay. Now, I continue to do it for the challenge and excitement of crafting and developing the character. This year I’m so excited to be trying out a new challenge and hope to be able to pull it off. Can you guess what it is by the picture?

If you’re looking for a new way to support your mental wellness, help address your social worries, or find daily motivation cosplay might work for you!

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