Yes, You’re Allowed To Be Upset About COVID-19

Graphic Made With Canva

I’ve questioned whether or not to continue to write on the subject of COVID-19 knowing that it can be anxiety-provoking for some and overall exhausting for most. I felt it was important to address the feelings we’re all experiencing on some degree. Your feelings are valid and you need to allow them to be.

 
You’re Allowed to Be Nervous

First of all, everyone around the globe is facing this threat. When you face a threat your body goes into the “fight or flight” response. True, it may not be on your doorstep, it may not be your family member, it may not be in your town, even, but it is a threat nonetheless. It’s one you can see plastered across social media, emails, government websites, business doors, and the list goes on. A reminder of the threat is near-constant at this point.

You’re allowed to feel unbalanced no matter if you’re staying safely at home or fighting the illness on the front lines of the emergency room. You are allowed to feel nervous or anxious. You are allowed to sense danger even though it isn’t immediately targeting you. Your brain is on high alert each time to read about, got shopping, disinfect a newly delivered box and follow a new ordinance. Even if you’re relatively safe, that doesn’t mean you feel like it.

What to Do About Nervousness

Once you’ve acknowledged and validated how you’re feeling, I’m sure you don’t want to stay a ball of anxiety consistently until this is over. I probably sound like a broken record, but this is where I bring mindfulness in. You can read more in depth on it in my previous article on it but for this topic I want to focus on the basic principal of mindfulness; being present in the moment while suspending judgment.

Don’t judge yourself for being nervous and don’t judge it as something that shouldn’t be happening because it’s totally normal given the circumstances. It can just be what it is and then you redirect yourself. Clean the house, play a video game, go for a walk (where permitted), read a book, teach yourself a new skill, sing, dress up, play with a pet…basically all of those self-care things I prattle on about.

You’re Allowed to Be Disappointed

Even though you haven’t contracted the virus and the people you care about are well, that doesn’t mean you should just sit and count your blessings quietly. Yes, it is wonderful if you and your loved ones are healthy and financially stable. Yes, it is something to be thankful for. No, it does not mean that you aren’t allowed to be disappointed or mourn your losses.

I’ve had two concerts indefinitely postponed, interviews put on hold, the annual adult Easter Egg Hunt postponed or cancelled (not sure yet), and I can’t even go yard sale hunting like I LOVE to do this time of year. I’m disappointed and I was genuinely mourning these losses, still am to some degree. If you had events cancelled, aren’t allowed to do the things you typically enjoy doing, or were looking forward to something that is no longer permitted due to a government order, you’re entitled to feelings about it.

What to Do About Disappointment

Just like with nervousness, acknowledge you feelings. Acknowledge that you feel that loss and you are disappointed. If changing focus to what you do have and can look forward to will help you, go for it. But if that is going to make you feel guilty for being disappointed, don’t. You may have much to be grateful for but you can be grateful and still be disappointed. Those feelings can exist together.

You’re Allowed to Miss People

Yes, you’re keeping them and yourself safe by staying away and that’s awesome. If you’re like me, though, you still miss your people terribly. You can do all the telephone calls, video chats, and multiplayer online games for every moment of the day, but there’s ultimately nothing like being with those people in person. Feeling their presence, taking in their scent, and basking in their aura.

Even if you’ve stayed in touch and gotten creative with staying connected, you’re still allowed to miss your people. I miss seeing my best friend almost every day at the gym. I miss my whole group of friends who come together weekly for board games. I miss my aunt who works in a hospital and for obvious reasons isn’t visiting friends and family.

Of course I keep up with all of my people as I’m sure you do with yours. But we miss them. We are allowed to miss them.

We’re also allowed to miss people who aren’t our friends and family. You can miss the people you see at the gym daily and weekly, your co-workers, the check-out lady at your favorite non-essential store, the owners of your go-to local restaurant who are social distancing to keep you and your food orders safe…the list goes on. You’re allowed to miss them, too.

 What to Do About Missing Your People

Missing people is tough. You may not just be missing them, alone, but also missing what they represent like structure and normalcy. Again, I can’t stress enough to validate these feelings to yourself as normal and human. Don’t present judgments on yourself or the feelings. Keep up staying in touch as best you can but also find other ways to develop your normal such as keeping a routine.

For all of these feelings, know that acknowledgement and validation are not the same as dwelling and letting feelings fester. I’m not saying you have to snap out of it or move on, but you also don’t have to consciously feed the feelings with judgments and additional unpleasant emotions. Some good responses overall: self-care, talking with others about it, taking a relaxed approach to your day,and not pushing yourself to be “normal.”

Check out my earlier article for more tips on managing your mental health during this trying time.

Share this article to Facebook and Twitter

Be sure to follow me on Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram

When Your Self-Care Wears You Out

Photo provided by Pexels.com, Photographer: Ylanite Koppens

Sometimes, the things we do for self-care can leave us needing more self-care. I know that’s what’s been happening to me these past few weeks. This weekend marked show time and the end of a local production I’ve been preparing for since October. I loved being part of it, loved acting and singing, loved the experience of making new connections and getting to know new people. But it was also super draining.

I’ve always been the sort who does as much as I possibly can because I’m interested in so much. And it truly is my self-care to take classes, learn dances, perform on stage, cosplay, DIY…everything, and do all the other basic self-care stuff like resting, spending time with loved ones, and taking long showers. But it still adds up.

I think being in the play was just a tipping point on top of the cosplay I was working on for this weekend, on top of the holiday hustle and bustle, on top of working out, on top of…well, you get it. Nevertheless, I find myself slowly trying to recover this week and I’ve got to deliberately be gentle with myself. Even though I know that, it’s pretty tough to do. So I figured I’d write about it to remind myself and maybe provide you with some helpful tips in the meanwhile.

How to care for yourself after you’re worn out…from self-care.

1. Be Kind to Yourself: If your favorite self-care is as time-consuming as mine is, you may end up with a few dishes in the sink or a messy room, you may be a little more forgetful that usual, and you may need an extra nap or two. Be kind and allow yourself not to be superhuman. You can’t possibly do EVERYTHING…as much as you (or I) may want to.

2. Be Patient with the Aftermath: After you do the thing, whatever that may be, you figure everything will fall back into place. You’ll start back at the gym and the house will be clean and your social life will reset…that’s a nice fantasy, but it’s unlikely it’ll all just bounce back. If you’re like me, you’ll still be playing catch-up by trying to chase down time to devote to getting life back on track. It will get back on track, but it will happen gradually. There was a built-up that took time and it'll take time to break it down again.

Plus, if you’re really like me, you’ve got a bunch of these time-intensive self-care hobbies going at once, so when one ends it just means you can give more attention to the other one. It’s cool, the dishes won’t go anywhere. Prioritize time where you think it’s most needed.

3. Spread It Out: I’m certainly guilty of not doing this and sometimes that’s not something I can help. The latter part of the year brings on a lot of opportunities for the activities I enjoy like acting, cosplay, quarter auctions, and concerts. However, I recommend to you and to myself to try to spread out these taxing self-care hobbies by not jumping right into the next one that comes along. You can wait for the next one after that to give you some recovery time.

4. Be Comfortable with Saying “No:" No to yourself, no to others, no to the event, no, no, no. Practice it. Let it roll off your tongue. Explanations not needed. If you have to turn it down for your own rest and sanity, turn it down. For example, do I want to try out for the next play in January? Absolutely! Am I going to? Well, right now I say “no.” Time will tell if I stick to it…and time heals wounds rather well.

5. Don’t Forget That It Takes a Toll: With time healing everything so quickly, it’s easy to forget the toll it all took in the first place. Do your best to burn it into your memory, not to scare you away, but to allow you to make a good choice about taking it on again. I always go into a show knowing I’ll be exhausted at the end and it makes being kind to myself easier throughout the process.

6. Do Self-Care That Will Balance You Out: The time constraints make it tough but you can do it! Fit in those self-care activities that won’t add to the toll so your intensive self-care can still fill you with satisfaction and pride. Take a bubble bath, listen to your favorite music, pet the cat, get the right amount of sleep, eat all your meals, tap into your self-care toolbox, practice deep breathing and mindfulness… the list goes on.

As I’m writing this, it sounds weird to consider that some self-care is stressful and taxing at the same time it is revitalizing. I suppose life is a give and take, a careful balancing of scales, and governed by the yin-yang philosophy. Awareness and deliberate action or inaction is the key to this equilibrium. Care for yourself even when you're doing self-care.

Share this article on Facebook and Twitter

Be sure to follow me on Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram

How to Build a Self-Care Box

When mental health declines, we’re in an emotional slump, or things just keep going wrong, we are not always focusing on self-care. Thinking ahead and being proactive in wellness is key. That’s why I want to help you get started on your self-care box.

A self-care box is a container—usually a box but could be a basket, tote, or bag—that is filled with items to promote self-care when it’s hard to do. There are vast arrays of items that can be included and whatever you come up with is meant to be uniquely suited to you.

Let’s look at what might go inside a self-care box.

Paper—This paper isn’t blank. The paper in your box should include uplifting notes from yourself and others, inspiring quotes, and reminders of the positive in your life. It’s easy to focus on the negative when life gets hard and these reminders can be just the thing to bring awareness to the good in life and you. Be sure to utilize your positive days when you can appreciate yourself and/or the world, and write it in a note for future you to find comfort in.

Something soft—Soft is soothing. Include a soft, soothing object that fits you. Need something to squeeze? Go with a stuffed animal or pillow. Want to wrap up in warmth? Include a blanket or special set of PJs. Fuzzy slippers may be just right for you.

Smell good stuff—Candles or incense (if you’re safe around fire), essential oils, bath bombs, soaps, scented waxes for warmers, lotion…items that provide a soothing-scented atmosphere and engage you in self-care. Whether these items prompt you to relax, meditate, or take a bath, connect the smells to wellness.

Audio items—If you still have CDs, include one or more of them in your box that you know will reduce your stress and improve your mood. If not, make a list self-care playlist and write a reminder to listen to it. Not into music? Try nature sounds.

Spiritual supports—If you are spiritual in any way, you likely find peace in a spiritual word or practice. Include the written word of your religion, healing crystals, meditation guides, a smudge stick, religious symbols or artifacts (like a rosary, for example), or cleansing spells.

Snacks—Non-perishable, long lasting items like tea, dry soup mix, and chocolate are some option. The intent is not to increase stress eating but, rather, provide yourself with a treat that lifts your mood and calms you down.

Interest items—Think - something you enjoy that inspires you, incites positive feelings, or just makes you smile. Maybe you’ll stash a comic from your favorite series, add some decorations from your favorite season or holiday, include glitter and other pretty things…the list goes on.

Sensory items—Grab a stress ball, make slime, fiddle with a fidget cube—if you put them in your box, you can do any of these and more. Sensory items don’t just appeal to touch as the aforementioned do, they can be visual or auditory, too. The snacks should take care of taste!

Safety network—Include a list of people and numbers you can call or go see for support. This can include friends, family, local crisis hotlines, national crisis hotlines, a therapist, and local ER. You may even want to put them in order of who you’ll want to start with first.

Now go find your box! How big or small it needs to be depends on what you intend to put in it and how much. Keep it simple or decorate it. Make it large and full or make it small and reserved. However you decide to make it, it should be suited to work for you.

What’s one self-care item that’s a must have in your self-care box? Share in the comments below, interact with me on Instagram, or re-tweet on Twitter with your answer!

Share to Facebook

Share to Twitter