New Year’s Resolutions with a Mental Health Focus

The new year is well on its way and resolutions will be abound. It’s well known that new year’s resolutions tend to fall off early in the year. I tend to shy away from choosing a new year for new resolutions—or goals—because it creates an external motivator. You’re motivated because it is the new year rather than because it is what you want to do and you’re ready to do it.

That having been said, I recognize the new year is a great time to set new goals. The hustle and bustle of the holidays is over and January tends to have minimal distractions related to holidays, heavy work -loads, school trips, vacations…etc. Those distractions will pick up after January and in order to stick to your resolution, I recommend making the focus of anything you do related to your mental health.

Why? Maybe it’s because I’m passionate about it, but I like to hope that if you focus on your mental health it will be more meaningful and important than other motivations. Let’s take a look at how you can shift your focus:

Lose Weight/Get Fit

One of the most popular new year’s resolutions, the prospect losing weight packs gyms from January to mid-February…and that’s when the resolution fizzles out. Weight loss is a tough goal to reach because the focus is on the numbers on the scale and the sacrifice of time. This is manageable in January likely because there aren’t as many distractions or temptations as most people detox from the holiday socializing and indulgences. Once February rolls around, holidays, social responsibilities, work load, and more is back in full swing and that’s when resolutions get tested.

If your resolution related to your weight and fitness is focused on sacrifice and loss, as mentioned above, how well are you going to weather the challenge of February’s, March’s, April’s…distractions? Instead, I recommend focusing on the benefits of exercise for mental health. For details, check out this article. When looking at it from a mental health perspective, you can focus on gaining more energy, feeling less anxious, spending your time for self-care, and having more social interaction.

With this focus you gain rather than lose and that alone sounds more positive. But you’re also taking away the fear of the scale, the frustration if you don’t see the numbers drop, and the lament of time not spent elsewhere. If you’re looking to lose weight and get fit in 2020, make your goals about how the process benefits your mental health to keep you motivated.

Save Money

While we may not like it, money is important to daily living as it affords us what we need and what we want—which can often times support self-care. That’s likely why people tend to resolve to save money in the new year. Saving money is an exercise in patience, organization, and prioritizing. So, it’s definitely hard to start and even harder to stick to.

The good news is, patience, organization, and prioritization are great skills to support mental health as well. To bring a mental health focus to saving money, I recommend including practices involving these skills. Challenge yourself to wait and save up over time for an item you might have previously purchased right away and if you make it, reward yourself with a small bonus such as a special coffee or bubble bath. Organize your phone calendar with reminders so that you’re not rushing to get in everything you need to finish before the next month. Choose your priorities based on, not just funds, but time and self-care, too.

Spend Time with Loved Ones

Many of us lead busy lives and it often gets in the way of enjoying the people we love. This seems like a simple fix; open up time for family and friends and plan to use it. What isn’t simple is; a) enjoying the time spent without worrying about all that isn’t getting done; and b) getting others on board.

To start out, if you’re going to commit to making time for friends and family, you have to commit to it being important enough to be in the moment. That may mean practicing mindfulness so you can stay in the moment, writing down all you have to do and when you’ll get it done so your mind can be free when you’re spending time with loved ones, or cutting back on other obligations such as work projects and volunteering. If this is a priority, don’t just make the time for it, make the mental space for it, too.

The trouble with this resolution is that it requires more than just your effort. There’s at least one other person involved in this exchange and if they don’t also put in the time and energy, you can’t make them. Focus on what you can do to reach this resolution and recognize what’s out of your control to reduce the stress of making this happen.

There are many new year’s resolutions such as quitting smoking, drinking less, learning new skills/information, traveling, and the list goes on. Challenge yourself to consider how you can put the focus of these or your own resolutions on mental health. Overall, make whatever resolution you set about what you want and make sure that you have good reasons for it, like your mental health and wellness.

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When Your Self-Care Wears You Out

Photo provided by Pexels.com, Photographer: Ylanite Koppens

Sometimes, the things we do for self-care can leave us needing more self-care. I know that’s what’s been happening to me these past few weeks. This weekend marked show time and the end of a local production I’ve been preparing for since October. I loved being part of it, loved acting and singing, loved the experience of making new connections and getting to know new people. But it was also super draining.

I’ve always been the sort who does as much as I possibly can because I’m interested in so much. And it truly is my self-care to take classes, learn dances, perform on stage, cosplay, DIY…everything, and do all the other basic self-care stuff like resting, spending time with loved ones, and taking long showers. But it still adds up.

I think being in the play was just a tipping point on top of the cosplay I was working on for this weekend, on top of the holiday hustle and bustle, on top of working out, on top of…well, you get it. Nevertheless, I find myself slowly trying to recover this week and I’ve got to deliberately be gentle with myself. Even though I know that, it’s pretty tough to do. So I figured I’d write about it to remind myself and maybe provide you with some helpful tips in the meanwhile.

How to care for yourself after you’re worn out…from self-care.

1. Be Kind to Yourself: If your favorite self-care is as time-consuming as mine is, you may end up with a few dishes in the sink or a messy room, you may be a little more forgetful that usual, and you may need an extra nap or two. Be kind and allow yourself not to be superhuman. You can’t possibly do EVERYTHING…as much as you (or I) may want to.

2. Be Patient with the Aftermath: After you do the thing, whatever that may be, you figure everything will fall back into place. You’ll start back at the gym and the house will be clean and your social life will reset…that’s a nice fantasy, but it’s unlikely it’ll all just bounce back. If you’re like me, you’ll still be playing catch-up by trying to chase down time to devote to getting life back on track. It will get back on track, but it will happen gradually. There was a built-up that took time and it'll take time to break it down again.

Plus, if you’re really like me, you’ve got a bunch of these time-intensive self-care hobbies going at once, so when one ends it just means you can give more attention to the other one. It’s cool, the dishes won’t go anywhere. Prioritize time where you think it’s most needed.

3. Spread It Out: I’m certainly guilty of not doing this and sometimes that’s not something I can help. The latter part of the year brings on a lot of opportunities for the activities I enjoy like acting, cosplay, quarter auctions, and concerts. However, I recommend to you and to myself to try to spread out these taxing self-care hobbies by not jumping right into the next one that comes along. You can wait for the next one after that to give you some recovery time.

4. Be Comfortable with Saying “No:" No to yourself, no to others, no to the event, no, no, no. Practice it. Let it roll off your tongue. Explanations not needed. If you have to turn it down for your own rest and sanity, turn it down. For example, do I want to try out for the next play in January? Absolutely! Am I going to? Well, right now I say “no.” Time will tell if I stick to it…and time heals wounds rather well.

5. Don’t Forget That It Takes a Toll: With time healing everything so quickly, it’s easy to forget the toll it all took in the first place. Do your best to burn it into your memory, not to scare you away, but to allow you to make a good choice about taking it on again. I always go into a show knowing I’ll be exhausted at the end and it makes being kind to myself easier throughout the process.

6. Do Self-Care That Will Balance You Out: The time constraints make it tough but you can do it! Fit in those self-care activities that won’t add to the toll so your intensive self-care can still fill you with satisfaction and pride. Take a bubble bath, listen to your favorite music, pet the cat, get the right amount of sleep, eat all your meals, tap into your self-care toolbox, practice deep breathing and mindfulness… the list goes on.

As I’m writing this, it sounds weird to consider that some self-care is stressful and taxing at the same time it is revitalizing. I suppose life is a give and take, a careful balancing of scales, and governed by the yin-yang philosophy. Awareness and deliberate action or inaction is the key to this equilibrium. Care for yourself even when you're doing self-care.

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