What It Looks Like: Bipolar Disorder

Polarized Flower by Ali Nicole

Bipolar Disorder. Too often it is used as a term associated with suggesting someone is crazy ("she's so bipolar") rather than to describe the actual mental illness. So what is a bipolar disorder and what does it look like?

Disclaimer: This post—like all my content—is NOT intended for the purpose of diagnosis or treatment. It is for informational purposes only. The only place you can truly receive diagnosis and treatment is with a YOUR professional, qualified treatment provider following the proper assessment(s). Proceed with caution and use this post and all posts for information purposes ONLY.

If we break down the word "bipolar" we get "bi" meaning two, and "polar" suggesting polarization or opposite. This gives us a little clue as to the nature of the disorder. It is characterized by changes in mood and presentation which are in stark contrast to one another.

However, it's not quite that simple. At the core, bipolar disorders are depressive disorders. Depression symptoms are the major basis of the diagnosis. It just doesn't end at depression and, instead, has another side. The polarized side is mania or hypomania. This would be the extreme "up" in contrast to the extreme "down."

So what do these two sides look like? For the purposes of this article, I'm going to focus on Bipolar I Disorder. I'll add in some points about other bipolar disorders for clarity as we go along.

The Depression:

I won't go too far into depression as you can read more about depressive disorders in my post on what depression looks like. What's important to know is that since bipolar disorders are depressive disorders, you must meet criteria for a major depressive episode in the same way one would meet the diagnosis for major depressive disorder.

If you've taken a look at my post on depression, you already know how disruptive this can be to daily life. Motivation can drop, interest reduces for so many enjoyable activities, and sleep can be disturbed. Of course, there is the dangerous side to depression as well with the possibility of suicidal ideation and thoughts of death (help and support available by calling emergency services, calling a hotline such as National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 which is the USA number, or reaching out to local crisis resources are just some of the options. Help is out there.).

The Mania:

If depression is miserable and potentially dangerous, mania is euphoric and...potentially dangerous. A full manic episode is what decides if a person has Bipolar I disorder, happening at least once in the course of the illness not due to substances or other health problems. This may seem like a mood swing to outsiders but it's so much more persistent and serious than that.

Mood Change

Mania comes with an elevated mood which may lead to being overly optimistic or driven. It's also possible to be highly irritable. It may seem like a person's energy is a boiling pot with a lid shaking on top and at anytime it will bubble over.

Increased Energy

During this time energy increases exponentially. This means that you are going, going, going, making it more possible to follow the drive of the elevated mood. Projects get started and stopped, productivity feels like its at an all-time high (you may be doing a lot but not actually advancing), and sleep takes a nose-dive. With all the excess energy, you don't feel the loss of sleep but your body still will which is one part of the dangers of this side of bipolar disorder. We need sleep and not getting it makes our bodies do strange things such as see or hear things that aren't there.

Over-confidence and Risk Taking

With mania, confidence is often increased. This may lead to some more daring choices without negative impact such as wearing flashy clothes or taking more chances with creative endeavors. It can also lead to behaviors with extremely negative or dangerous consequences. Some examples might be overspending to the point of not being able to afford bills, risky sexual encounters, escalating disagreements/fighting, and substance use.

Though Flow Disruption

It makes sense if energy and drive are ramped up, so, too, are thoughts. Thought can be racing and ideas may change rapidly. What the outside world will hear could be anything from lack of focus and quick topic changes to disjointed speech, where the words can't add up to a cohesive thought. When dealing with this as the person dealing with mania, it can be frustrating that others can't keep up or understand what you're trying to say.


Unfortunately, because behavior during mania can become so disruptive and out of character, it has the potential to disrupt employment, cause run-ins with the law, lead to loss of financial security, and harm relationships. This is not so for all people living with this disorder. What needs to be understood is that his is not a morality or resilience issues, this is an issue with the brain functioning being changed. It can feel like you're not in control of yourself, and in a lot of ways people dealing with the symptoms of mania or depression aren't fully in control as they would be if these weren't present.

Other Bipolar Disorders

There are, like I mentioned, other bipolar disorders. They stick to a similar outline; depression and mania symptoms at different times are present. Let's take a look at two of them: Bipolar II Disorder and Cyclothymic Disorder.

Bipolar II Disorder

Bipolar II Disorder is, again, characterized by having a major depressive episode. The difference in the manic symptoms which never reach criteria for mania. Instead, the symptoms lead to hypomania. Hypomania causes less impairment in function overall when compared to mania. It doesn't lead to a need for hospitalization but it is nonetheless challenging and can still lead to behaviors than have poor consequences.

Cyclothymic Disorder

Another disorder notably related to bipolar disorders is cyclothymic disorder. For people with this disorder no full manic or depressive episodes are present. Symptoms may be less or just more rapidly cycling. There's no freedom from symptoms for more than two months so you're living in either the highs or the lows more times than not.


Overall, bipolar disorders have a tough set of symptoms and presentations. These disorders are also largely treatable. It may be trial and error, like many mental illnesses, to get the right dose and type(s) of therapy and/or medication.
I, not being a doctor, don't take part in the medication side of treatment. I know that it can be a major part of treatment for many people. On the therapy side, the focus tends to be on awareness to help prepare for and manage symptom changes, as well as behavioral changes to reduce triggers for symptoms. Knowing the warning signs for mania and depression and coming up with a plan to address both can be paramount.

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Yes, You’re Allowed To Be Upset About COVID-19

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I’ve questioned whether or not to continue to write on the subject of COVID-19 knowing that it can be anxiety-provoking for some and overall exhausting for most. I felt it was important to address the feelings we’re all experiencing on some degree. Your feelings are valid and you need to allow them to be.

 
You’re Allowed to Be Nervous

First of all, everyone around the globe is facing this threat. When you face a threat your body goes into the “fight or flight” response. True, it may not be on your doorstep, it may not be your family member, it may not be in your town, even, but it is a threat nonetheless. It’s one you can see plastered across social media, emails, government websites, business doors, and the list goes on. A reminder of the threat is near-constant at this point.

You’re allowed to feel unbalanced no matter if you’re staying safely at home or fighting the illness on the front lines of the emergency room. You are allowed to feel nervous or anxious. You are allowed to sense danger even though it isn’t immediately targeting you. Your brain is on high alert each time to read about, got shopping, disinfect a newly delivered box and follow a new ordinance. Even if you’re relatively safe, that doesn’t mean you feel like it.

What to Do About Nervousness

Once you’ve acknowledged and validated how you’re feeling, I’m sure you don’t want to stay a ball of anxiety consistently until this is over. I probably sound like a broken record, but this is where I bring mindfulness in. You can read more in depth on it in my previous article on it but for this topic I want to focus on the basic principal of mindfulness; being present in the moment while suspending judgment.

Don’t judge yourself for being nervous and don’t judge it as something that shouldn’t be happening because it’s totally normal given the circumstances. It can just be what it is and then you redirect yourself. Clean the house, play a video game, go for a walk (where permitted), read a book, teach yourself a new skill, sing, dress up, play with a pet…basically all of those self-care things I prattle on about.

You’re Allowed to Be Disappointed

Even though you haven’t contracted the virus and the people you care about are well, that doesn’t mean you should just sit and count your blessings quietly. Yes, it is wonderful if you and your loved ones are healthy and financially stable. Yes, it is something to be thankful for. No, it does not mean that you aren’t allowed to be disappointed or mourn your losses.

I’ve had two concerts indefinitely postponed, interviews put on hold, the annual adult Easter Egg Hunt postponed or cancelled (not sure yet), and I can’t even go yard sale hunting like I LOVE to do this time of year. I’m disappointed and I was genuinely mourning these losses, still am to some degree. If you had events cancelled, aren’t allowed to do the things you typically enjoy doing, or were looking forward to something that is no longer permitted due to a government order, you’re entitled to feelings about it.

What to Do About Disappointment

Just like with nervousness, acknowledge you feelings. Acknowledge that you feel that loss and you are disappointed. If changing focus to what you do have and can look forward to will help you, go for it. But if that is going to make you feel guilty for being disappointed, don’t. You may have much to be grateful for but you can be grateful and still be disappointed. Those feelings can exist together.

You’re Allowed to Miss People

Yes, you’re keeping them and yourself safe by staying away and that’s awesome. If you’re like me, though, you still miss your people terribly. You can do all the telephone calls, video chats, and multiplayer online games for every moment of the day, but there’s ultimately nothing like being with those people in person. Feeling their presence, taking in their scent, and basking in their aura.

Even if you’ve stayed in touch and gotten creative with staying connected, you’re still allowed to miss your people. I miss seeing my best friend almost every day at the gym. I miss my whole group of friends who come together weekly for board games. I miss my aunt who works in a hospital and for obvious reasons isn’t visiting friends and family.

Of course I keep up with all of my people as I’m sure you do with yours. But we miss them. We are allowed to miss them.

We’re also allowed to miss people who aren’t our friends and family. You can miss the people you see at the gym daily and weekly, your co-workers, the check-out lady at your favorite non-essential store, the owners of your go-to local restaurant who are social distancing to keep you and your food orders safe…the list goes on. You’re allowed to miss them, too.

 What to Do About Missing Your People

Missing people is tough. You may not just be missing them, alone, but also missing what they represent like structure and normalcy. Again, I can’t stress enough to validate these feelings to yourself as normal and human. Don’t present judgments on yourself or the feelings. Keep up staying in touch as best you can but also find other ways to develop your normal such as keeping a routine.

For all of these feelings, know that acknowledgement and validation are not the same as dwelling and letting feelings fester. I’m not saying you have to snap out of it or move on, but you also don’t have to consciously feed the feelings with judgments and additional unpleasant emotions. Some good responses overall: self-care, talking with others about it, taking a relaxed approach to your day,and not pushing yourself to be “normal.”

Check out my earlier article for more tips on managing your mental health during this trying time.

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